The decision to go natural is sometimes one that involves much contemplation, hesitation, frustration and confusion. There is usually a rush of mixed emotions, ranging from enthusiasm to embrace this new and liberating hair journey, to having reservations about whether the new look will suit you or if you will be able to deal with the challenges that accompany it.

For many persons, a relaxer or a perm is all they know and the thought of letting go of what seems to be second nature and venturing into the unknown, can be somewhat intimidating. In addition to dealing with one’s own personal emotional instability when trying to make the decision, there is also the issue of having to deal with the many reactions and opinions of friends and acquaintances.

Some take the “don’t care” approach to the reactions, and from the get go exhibit confidence, assertiveness and independence regardless of what others think. For others, however, others’ opinions may carry weight, resulting in a most difficult uncertain journey.

Regardless of your reaction to the opinions and responses of those around you, I believe it is safe to say that despite your personality, temperament or mentality, every girl who plans to go natural will admit that in some way, shape or form and somewhere deep within her heart, she would love to have the support and affirmation of the special man in her life. The truth is that no matter how high your confidence level, there is something inside of you that desires to look pleasing in the eyes of your “Mane Man.”

In spite of how hot you think you are or how many compliments you get from everyone else, if your mate isn’t feeling your look, then chances are it will put a damper on your confidence level. Does that mean you are going to totally disregard your desires or abandon your hair goals? I hardly think so. If you believe that embarking on this journey is in the best interest of the health of your hair and will contribute to your overall well-being, then by all means go for it.

Although you may not opt to totally dismiss your desire to wear your hair natural, you may, however, have to exercise two general principles that most relationships are built on: communication and compromise. What this means is that you may have to share your intentions with your mate in the initial stages of the idea in order to prevent him from undergoing the drastic shock that the change may bring.

After all, once we get comfortable with one state, it is sometimes difficult to appreciate another. A girl, for example, in a similar manner may not be receptive to the fact that her guy, who for all his life sported a full head of hair, suddenly decides to wear his head bald. So on both sides, changes in appearance can be difficult for mates to appreciate.

Of course your hair doesn’t define you, nor does it change who you are. It would be simply unreasonable for the love of your life to start acting differently towards you because a physical attribute is altered. If such a response is displayed, you may want to reconsider whether the individual’s love towards you is unconditional.

Many guys have become used to and even fascinated by the image of bone straight hair. The thought of having his woman rocking her natural texture may be a little frightening for him.

In relationships, however, even though one party may not agree with something, it doesn’t mean that they cannot support the decision, especially if it is one that will contribute to a healthier lifestyle. Nevertheless, you can make it easier for your “mane man” to deal with this unfamiliar change.

There is a drastic difference in the texture of most natural hair compared to chemically relaxed hair but it doesn’t mean that there has to be drastic change in your overall appearance. The switch from wearing relaxer to wearing natural hair doesn’t mean that you have to automatically go into Aunt Jemima mode, wearing a head tie around the house or wearing four humongous braids sticking in different directions all day long.

In all fairness, if your mate is used to seeing you all dolled up, having natural hair should not change that. Going natural is not a free ticket to a permanent hair styling vacation. It may be bye-bye to rollers and curling irons but it is hello to other styling techniques that will make your natural hair look well groomed, fashionable and attractive.

Much of the time, the lack of grooming or styling is owed to the fact that there you don’t have much experience with caring for or styling your hair with its new texture. As time progresses, you will find that it becomes easier and before you know it you are nothing short of a pro at handling your hair.

The love of your life will also feed off your energy during this phase and as such if you don’t exhibit the level of confidence and security about wearing your hair natural then he may also have reservations.

There are many cases where a mate’s dislike for natural hair causes his lady to abandon her journey and revert to her relaxer. Others continue along the journey but opt to make the curling iron their best friend, daily straightening their hair in order for it to mimic a relaxer. Whilst the first approach is rather drastic, the alternative of using heat is not at all a healthy one for your natural hair.

It is often said that your hair is your beauty, and even though that is a debatable statement, it is every girl’s wish for her “Mane Man” to view her hair as a thing of beauty. The question remains, “Does your mate’s opinion about your hair affect the way you wear your hair?”   

Candie's Natural Hairnamix was birthed a few months after Jamaican native Rossette "Candie" Allen began her natural hair journey in May 2010. She gears this column toward naturals, transitioning naturals, aspiring naturals and the naturally curious, sharing experiences, expertise and experiments while celebrating emancipation from chemical slavery.