Just because two Christians are in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed to work. Likewise, just because two non-believers are in a relationship that doesn't mean it’s guaranteed to fail.

An event series “Digging for Gold—The Journey from Attraction to Confirmation” established by Tobi Atte, founder of IJUST METME, certified relationship and life coach, answered gobs of questions ranging from attraction to confirmation this past May at its launch.

At the IJUSTMETME event, poet and author Ololade Siyonbola also known as Mandela Rose and Singer Adaku performed. Deacon GodWill Mbori was a featured speaker.

Here are a few Christian dating no-nos:

1.      Stop being restless

The absence of drama does not qualify for peace. – Tobi Atte

Much of the problem in Christian dating is a restlessness that singles have.

Racing thoughts of: Is he husband material? When will he pop the question? Will she be a good mother to my kids? Am I ever going to find the one?

Atte likes to use the analogy of a boat and an anchor. He says that in order for a boat to be calm in the sea there must be an anchor that is placed to the bottom of the sea— to avoid any drama that would cause total annihilation of the boat.

Just like a boat, a person needs peace and an anchor. An anchor comes from knowing who you are in God and having an idea of where he is taking you.

“If you don’t know who you are in God, how are you going to know who is your helpmeet? If you don’t know what you’re doing, how are you going to identify whose going to help you do it?” Atte said. “Peace comes from knowing— who you are in God and knowing what he has called you to do.”

2.      Stop trying to control attraction

“Attraction can be very subconscious,” said Atte.

 People usually define attraction as love or like at first sight. Attraction often starts the first time you meet someone— automatically causing you to want to know more about this individual, attraction can be because of their physical features, how they carry themselves, how they speak, their work ethic, their mindset, their personality or, in some cases, a gut feeling that you can’t explain -- an intuition.

Our love map is what makes us find somebody attractive.

However, Atte says when we find someone attractive we must ask ourselves: “What is the filter in which that person stood out to me?

“The journey from attraction to confirmation is to acknowledge that there is something about this person that I am attracted to, but that doesn’t mean that person is for me,” he said.

Deacon Mbori, one of the speakers at the event, believes that so many people mistake attraction for love.

“Some people actually think that there is something that is called love at first sight—which is not real. You don’t see somebody the first time and fall in love with them; because love is deeper than that,” said Mbori. “When you say you love somebody, it’s because you love their totality and spirituality. Maybe you’re attracted to their smile, their physical profile—you don’t just say you’re in love with them—their much more to it.”

3.      Don’t wait.

How do you put yourself in a position to be blessed and to meet your soul mate?

The secret is: “You position yourself by executing those things that God has put in your heart to do —don’t wait. The person who is going to recognize you as a helpmeet or as a husband is those special things that they will recognize in you —asides from physical attributes,” said Atte.

For those looking for a soul mate or to court someone, Mbori says that it is important to believe in God and to seek him and listen to him.

 “At every point and time God is always speaking something to your friends—he is always saying something, but the thing is you must know how God speaks to you. Once you find out how God communicates with you, it’s a done deal,” says Mbori.

4.      Confirmation does not have to be a booming voice from the heavens.

The views and definition of a soul mate vary from person to person.

Mbori says that he believes that for every husband out there to be,  there is a wife to be. He says that God created Adam, Eve came out of Adam's rib and Adam went forth to find Eve—his soul mate. “

“Soul mates are that person God has preordained for you before you were even born, before you were formed in your mother’s womb,” says Mbori.

Sooner or later while dating or courting a person, eventually you will be curious to know whether or not this person is the “ONE.” What confirms this?

Some people have a lot friends that support the idea of them being together, for some it may be their parents or family that confirms that person is for them and in other cases people start looking beyond attraction—beyond the physical and explainable, they begin to ask if they can see themselves with this person—is this my wife or husband?

For Christians, key confirmation is sought through God by praying or reading the Bible. God speaks to people in many ways and confirms through the power of prayer, fasting, dreams, visions, scriptures—devotion, through people, media and nature—these are some ways that confirmation can be received.

 “Confirmation comes from God. God shows us a lot of things in dreams,” said Mbori.“Go to God, fast and pray, and tell God to speak to you and to give you a perfect and clear picture. He will show you if this is the right guy or lady.”

Confirmation is an act of trust and a way of allowing God to guide your life.

Adaku writes songs about her relationship experiences.

She thinks that God has a suitable person for everyone, however, she doesn’t necessarily believe in soul mates—the ideal.

“God forbid what if your spouse dies or something, I think God can bring somebody else for you,” said Adaku. “From what I’ve seen with people who have been able to establish long healthy relationships, you work at it to make your soul merge,” said Adaku.

5.      You do have a choice.

Free will is a gift. Everyone has free will and the ability to use it.

There may be some people who may be losing hope in the dating scene, but poet Mandela Rose makes the point: “It’s what we can see that we will have—what we can visualize. Hold to that vision of what you want in a relationship. When you have an image and you’re holding onto it, it’s so difficult for someone to talk you out of it because you’re already seen it.”

Every person should be evaluated before choosing to make a commitment.

“It’s so important to feel out a person carefully before you decide to spend the rest of your life with that person and that person has to respect you. That person has to be able to bring you closer to God and fulfill you in a meaningful way,” said Rose.